Dear Mum…

Becky Smith has written a letter to her late mother, Sarah, who died from ovarian cancer aged 52. Sarah confronted illness with the cheerful determination that was her hallmark and worked with The Eve Appeal to advocate prevention and early detection of ovarian cancer.

Dear Mum, 

 

How are you doing up there? We imagine showing them whose boss! 

 

I think of what I could say to you, and I decided I wanted to tell you I’m sorry…

 

I’m sorry that I can’t find your salami tart recipe.

I’m sorry that you won’t hear the new lighthouse family album.

I’m sorry that I’ll never see you three step again. 

 

I’m sorry that we can’t laugh about that time you dressed up and asked me to take a face shot for work. You couldn’t be bothered to go the full hog. So, there you stood, make up on – standing there in your shirt and jacket, and underwear. I kept taking full body shots, and we laughed so hard we cried. Did we ever get anything suitable? I forget now.

 

I’m sorry that you weren’t here when I got engaged. And more importantly I’m sorry you weren’t there when it fell apart.

 

I’m sorry you won’t be there to help when I’m pregnant. When I give birth, and when I need help raising my children. I’m sorry you will never see them grow, or see your sparkle in them. 

 

I’m sorry that I can’t look at the photos of you when you were ill.

I’m sorry I still can’t get the image of you lying in that hospice bed out of my mind.

 

I’m sorry for all the questions I didn’t ask, but most of all, I’m sorry you’re not here to hug me and tell me it will all be ok. 

 

I’m sorry we all missed the signs.

 

I love you,

Daughter number one x